weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
