I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
