I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're too hungover to prance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
