can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
