guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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