Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
