Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
