she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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