remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
