Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
