im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
