Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
