you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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