Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
