i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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