Can i not drive my cunt home
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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