she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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