Welp...herpes.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
