Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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