I look better un-naked...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
organizing the empties. That sober.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
