when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
