me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
