New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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