I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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