return my video game
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
