did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You are the jesus of drinking
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
