why didn't you poke me back
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
