as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
