Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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