If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
