Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
