Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
