He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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