paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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