I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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