turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
