Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
