i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
