If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Life is so much better after having sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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