Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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