Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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