You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
