it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Enjoy the penises
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
