I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you never un-have a 4some
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
