this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
