Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
