I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
