Are we in a gay sports bar?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
