Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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