I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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