my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
that may or may not have been my penis.
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