tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
